“I wanted a perfect ending. Now, I’ve learned the hard way, that some poems don’t rythme, some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next.” – Gilda Radner

Much to my surprise, wonderment and amazement we sold our house yesterday.

Just like that…we had a showing at 2:00 o’clock on Wednesday.  An offer at 12:00 noon on Thursday and by Thursday 5:30 pm…… we had a signed deal.

We didn’t get 100% of what we wanted but close enough 85%.  The family that was trying to sell their house to buy our house had offered us a substantial higher offer. ( but honest to you…who know when they were going to sell their house)  This buyer, a single lady with no kids in her mid 30’s comes with a  convertible  car load of cash. ( figuratively and literally)  ( How is that for a strong independent woman who takes care of herself) (The complete opposite of the current owner)  What  this buyer  is putting down on the house is more money than I have seen to date.    So we do not need to worry about any  stuffy too short  appraisal.  She is also  pre approved for a higher mortgage than she applied for so we don’t need to worry about that as well. (She has a good secure high paying job) (whoa… the irony)   She literally appeared out of nowhere on Wednesday … ( She obviously isn’t lost like me) ( she is on the track (literally and figuratively) (sorry I couldn’t stop myself)  and the way she signed her last name on the contract – all squiggly,  swirly and fancy…  ( truthfully …. you can’t even read it) ( I swear to you this lady’s best friend is my dreaded nemesis  GUS)  and just like that  she has became part of  the Haggled Housewife Life  house story…..

 Honest to you… long term wise we  really couldn’t refuse her offer…….

As you know our house has been on the market for 10 long months..we have hosted four open houses and received numerous comments about living life right on the railroad tracks…. so it didn’t really look like a sale was sadly in the works…although we stayed focused and continued with our plan….I wondered daily where this story would go…( still always secretly hoping for a “perfect” happy ending……) Not really knowing what was going to happen…trying to sell but probably wanting  to stay….transcending… my infinite power of energy…..

Maybe this is the middle of the story… as you are well aware the Haggled Housewife story stems from my crazed lovesick obsession with perfection which included my extreme fondness/foeness  of my house ( that is how  I coined my infamous nickname) I won’t lie – my house caused my pain, sadness, shame, happiness, enjoyment and fulfillment. (That is how I was able to finish the book)

Selling is definitely bittersweet and I struggle with my feelings and try to rationalize with them.  I certainly am still confused by them. Almost intimidated by them.     I feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the prospect about what is going to happen …the packing, the moving and the changing.   I am hurt, humbled and haunted by what is to be and where we will end up and how we will get there and even after we get there with the possibility of something like this ever  happening again (My life is getting so out of control and not knowing what is going to happen next.) (Also not owning anything… possibly losing my comfortable old identity of making excuses and poor decisions as well still being petrified of living following me to my new house……my new place…my new start…) My second chance to get it right????…

Familiar fatigue and a  sickness  in my stomach  have returned.  Tossing and turning and worrying almost feel like second nature by now with the same sadistic three am ritual of crying, whining and complaining and writing about the haggled housewife  journey I am on. ….  There is no turning back in the story….I have come too far….  with the decisions I have made…  I will continue to share … although I am scared, frightened and feel alone ( although deep down….  I know I am surrounded and supported by friends) and I know that it is time for me to be strong, smart, brave and creative for my kids, my husband and most off all myself.  I  know I can’t fall apart again…..     Although I just can’t get my head and heart to  compromise on this one…no matter what I do. (Oh…how I wish it was clear cut)

Resiliency seems out of reach today, possibly because of the newness, honest to you with the way that I am carrying on…. maybe not tomorrow either.  I am still haggling I have alot of work to do with that and as I think about our decision to sell before a disaster could have occurred… (possible foreclosure or no money to make the mortgage),it still seems like a silly broken record cliche. (If only…if only…if only…)(We need to do it…we need to do it…we need to do it…)

I guess I am feeling sorry for myself again…..maybe not necessarily rightly so but I know deep down I am still devastated by my loss ( grieving over four walls and door) ( not very brave, strong and smart ..and certainly not very independent… like the lady who bought the house…)( Come on….I need t rely my humor now more than anything now…) Crying and laughing.. a big wet mess… ..I really don’t want to be like this….  what I really want to do today is try to make the best of what is happening.  (Believe me it may not sound like it but I am really trying)  As always, I promise to keep you posted as the story progresses ……

* I am sure that Gilda Radner wrote this quote about her life… not about the loss of a  house…but I found it  so moving and touching… I hope my writing was able to depict…it relation to my life )   It was my intention to use it with the greatest respect…and to honor her  beauty,  power and humor… ..  her dignity and grace while she lived  and lost her precious life.  ( I  just hope I was able to do that!)

2 Responses to ““I wanted a perfect ending. Now, I’ve learned the hard way, that some poems don’t rythme, some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next.” – Gilda Radner”

  1. Denise says:

    You have given Gilda the respect and grace she deserved with her precious life! You are taking the momment and making the most of it! You are at the bend right now and it will straighten out- you will see!

  2. Denise -

    Thank you for the compliment…I tried really hard to honor her words because I feel they deserve it!

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