The Haggled Housewife Blog

I would be lying to you this week if I said I was adjusting to the move well.  I still don’t think I really am, despite my attempts to cover up my forced fairy tale of moving stress free from the Haggled House to the TLC house.  I am still haggling, it is what it is, if it isn’t this…it ‘ll be something else. 

I think my patience is running thin as well as I sat on a rusty pin…..which really doesn’t help my mindful mood.

I am physically and emotionally still exhausted and feel as if I am on extended vacation in a not so fancy hotel next to a giant roller coaster that I ride every day.

 (There I said it aloud….) Each day I get up and look around and think to myself …”Okay, when is this rocky ride and ticking time bomb trip over?”  “When am I going home?”  Then I think to myself…. “Silly/Stupid…you don’t have a home, you sold your home.”  Then I can’t stop myself, my eyes fill with tears. (Drippy tears and droppytears, this time stingy tears that burn my eyes.)   Or maybe the burning in my eyes is not from my fears, homesickness or sadness it is from all the cleaners, cleansers and painting we have done to the TLC house. 

 The truth is…  we are a little over budget on cleansers, cleaners and paint on what we predicted that we would need to fix up the TLC house.  (Sounds familiar right…but at least now it is in the hundreds it is what it is……(ME and MONEY)

After servicing “our” dryer/”Mr. Landlord’s”/ “The TLC Houses” dryer,  (does anybody really know who’s dryer it is anyway?) …It conked out again.  Mr. Meyer and I decided it was best to start new ( especially after one  expensive service call already) Honest to you, I think the dryer is the original one to the house (damn – off budget again) but it  is what  it is, if it isn’t this, it’ll be something else and what can we really do?????? …While I wait to hear back from Mr. Landlord , I hang Cobey’s clothes straight up on little clothespins that I bought at the dollar store.  When Mr. Meyer told me that the dryer was broken again… I literally and figuratively threw  all the socks from the sox box up in the air and didn’t shout…Happy Haggled Life… but shouted “Are you cruddy kidding me?”  (PARDON MY MUDDY MOUTH..I wish I could wash it out but I am afraid the washer than would conk out.) (WHAT IS  it WITH ME and me the cleaning appliances?!)

As we know everything figuratively and literally comes out in the wash and I guess THIS experience is no different than I struggled with before at The Haggled House.  I don’t know what I expected …my life to turn so easy…stress free and not so sad …so sarcastic and so haggled because I sold my haggled house.  I mean I did move my haggled self with me to the TLC house. (Gosh darn it the washer and dryer are so antedated.) (Just like my goofy ranting and raving (LCL)).  

  The TLC house forces me to face my life’s imperfections.  I can’t hide behind my fancy facade anymore.  It happened to me at the TLC house’s  block party.  I introduced myself to all of the neighbors and said….Hi!  My name is Lisa Meyer and I am the new renter in the not so fancy house.  My family and I are going to work really hard to bring the house back to a little life on a little budget …make it exciting and nice but it will take tender, love and care and then I shook each of their hands and felt just the TLC house feels living next to all the fancy houses on the block. (Yeah… I did just say…how the TLC house felt before we moved in…) (Yes…I do really realize I said how the house feels.  You know I believe houses although objects have feelings. )(wink,wink)

At the block party,  thanks  to our impromptu Luau decorations…(A special shout out to all of Kay’s parties) I think we pulled out all of the Meyer something from nothing stops with a tiny bit of dignity, a tiny bit of  class and a tinybit of silly humility, even though we had no shade or grill.

  I bought hero’s from the supermarket and fried chicken and my friend Sue made macaroni salad.

The really nice neighbors across the street offered us the use of their tree and then their cabana (THANKS NEW NEIGHBORS!)

They even adjusted it for us… several times as the sun moved around.) (I really need to buy one of those things for my haggled life.)(First I needed it in the pouring rain last year at Poomont Day and now I needed it for our block party…)

It even looked like we wanted to participate ( and really we did…/do….) we are just so far from being in the party play mood (But we did it willingly for COBEY)

When I put out the baby $9.99 pool of water at the end of the driveway…accompanied with a large blow up palm tree….(don’t forget about the luau theme).  He said “Mom”, no one will even want to go in that.”  (I knew that…but I guess the baby pool was symbolic of something else.)

  I laughed and said….”Hey, you never know…”, really feeling sad and sorry for myself and my son. It was kind of bittersweet, here we stood in front of a baby pool in front of someone elses home, on a strange and unfamiliar street…trying to blend in and pretend everything was neat….

 Realizing if we were really home everyone would be swimming in our pool in the backyard at the Haggled House.     I at that moment….I recognized my life as well as his was not the same and never would be again.  That I would really have to learn to make the best of what I really had to offer at the time.

Leaving the Haggled House to come to another feels so indifferent for me and I can’t believe I have stayed away for almost a month already.  I know I couldn’t have left without my family…Gary, Kayla and Cobey… and  if not for them I really would be so lost.  (Not just pacing around in a funk and haze)  They for sure make everything much better, that I know.  I giggle and gasp when Cobey says …”Come with me , MA”, I am too scared to go downstairs.” I feel the same sometimes but pretend I don’t….to Cobey , Gary and Kayla.

 Gary is working so hard to paint everything in sight to make it so much better for me and the kids and himself as well.

I think at times we have never worked harder at something.    I of course still  struggle with gratefulness and resentfulness at the same time.  Now when he says “There that is better”  although all I want to do is  scream and shout ….”Are you crazy?”  “Are you in doubt?”  We can’t live here…. I (WE) can’t be without…(my pool, hot tub) I told you I am like a silly spoiled stuffigan shrew but instead I take a deep breath, smile and say “Yes, you are right …  it  looks  much better” ……and it does.  I was honest when I told you the space of the house is amazing and there are substantial…beautiful…loving….funny changes.  I do see them and feel them with own eyes and heart!  So do the people that are starting to come about, either that or they are just really good tricksters and liars.

  When both Gary and I get frustrated with something  in the house we can not fix…. (on the cheap) sometimes…I just say to him…”It is what it is and that is it.”  (I tried for four hours to get the tinted paper off the front windows, I was wondering why it was so dark in there and finally just really gave up….)(DID I JUST FINALLY ADMIT TO GIVING UP ON SOMETHING AS SHALLOW AS TINTED WINDOWS) (WHY YES I DID )

Honest to you, though  late at night I sigh when I get into my new/old bed, I am  really relieved and grateful to really have this “cool” place to live to have survived and come out still standing and actually smiling sometimes.

I am of course am  always humbled in my haggling and really honest to realize how lucky and fortunate I am in my life.

  Recognizing the story and emotions are still going on…it is just really hard to realize a  substantial part of your life is over …and you can’t go back… especially when it feels like maybe it was the best part and you are still very scared and unsure about what will happen….

you cry ….afraid that you will only really stay stuck… or as well as in my sake… try to be brave, strong and smart and have some fun…..(I just put my two thumbs up as I typed that, and wiped my “cleanser” tears away)

  The truth is …it is what it is. If it isn’t this, it’ll be something else.

I guess it it is time to end this post too, realizing I also can’t write anymore.  I think I said everything I can for this week…..

To next weeks…explore…. if it isn’t this , it’ll be something else, I am sure. (LCL)

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