In honor of our sixteen year anniversary I have decided to break down and do it….write my “mushy gushy”“ooey gluey” ”humble heartfelt” passionate post to my gorgeous gentle Gary..(AKA: MY FROG PRINCE…my broken/better half ….my handsome hustling hubby (wink,wink).
It is hard to believe we are married sixteen years and like I wrote in the book, some years were definitely better than others. This year is still wide open and I believe it can possibly be an exciting interesting one. Honest to you, my feelings about my husband can change on the day, circumstance and what he has done. (Notice how I say what he has done) (LCL). That being said, I think that is standard in every marriage ( whether anyone wants to admit to it or not).
I better get started on the mushy gushy sweet syrupy ooey gluey lovey dovey provocative post I promised…. (SAY THAT FIVE TIMES FAST) My true fearless feelings and silly sentiments ….here goes hold your noses for my possible sexy proses….
At night, usually when I wake in the middle of it because I can’t sleep…I reach out and put my arms around him and squeeze him really really tight. I lean over and give him little small butterfly kisses on his face and neck. He usually mumbles “mmmmm” and stirs not necessarily quiet sometimes saying “ahhhh”…. I cry little drippy tears and big droopy tears sometimes a mixture of both …I feel I would be so alone without Gary, even when I am cranky and sad. I would have no feeling, no emotion..no love. I wrap myself in his delicious smokey smell till morning and often say to myself…what the h—-, I really do love this grouchy… gloomy… grimy… greedy… goosey …genuine …gentle… gracious …gifted…great guy.
I am not kidding when I say after sixteen years of marriage …we have had ups and downs -(look at that description) one thing I know for sure in my life is my husband loves me. I see it and I feel it. It is not a perfect love and honest to you sometimes I do thinks he forgets at times that he may even like me( when he gets mad or annoyed with me) but I know he is there for me the best way he knows how to be and for our family. He has proven that to me in little ways and big ways throughout the years.
The past two years that we have shared ( the for richer and poorer thing) have been so rocky and alot of the time I was so angry, hurt and sad. I was scared and I know he was too. Lots of times we lost each other. I don’t know how we held on and made it through… we are finally re beginning to find each other again… I don’t see myself anymore when I look in the mirror ( I don’t think he sees me either) I look really big, blurred and distorted but fortunately for me I am still standing… a little shaky but still standing. I know Gary wants me to get better and he wants me to go back to living, laughing and being more carefree….. When we talk about it now I think he finally understands that I matter….. my needs, my wants and my desires. My valuable opinion counts, my not so great advice and companionship counts too now…much more than I ever think it did to him……
I think it has taken us sixteen years and a history of happiness and pain as well as almost losing everything to get closer to each other. I guess this experience has made us both finally realize all we really have is each other and that we need each other to make our lives …..whole,complete, fun ( someone to really be there to really support ) - It may sound cliche…. but I know we have learned…… I need to and have to be stronger and he needs and has to be more open and honest and not so determined and more willing to compromise….
We are no longer what we have…. ( we don’t have anything anymore) but we are ….who we are together…the money we will make will not reflect who we are and who we should be..as always we will share what we have… but as an interior painter and non profit worker we finally learned it will never be alot and that is finally okay. .. for the both of us. It is my hope we will make better choices with our hard earned money but I know myself and I know him..I have a feeling we sometimes won’t always do the right thing. Now I don’t mean like not paying the rent (right thing) but I mean like splurging on sunflowers, a dinner out and maybe a new pretty blouse for me. (Look at how self entitled I can really be) but I am counting on better communication…working more as a team together… I am ready, willing and able and believe he is too..I am sure our life is no longer the same from what has happened to us.
Which sometimes as I haggle my way through ( like only I know how) …I am finally learning that this is okay….together we can try to face anything….
Gary – I hope this post was a romantic mushy gushy….. restart and an added excitement to the next sixteen years together. With constant communication, tremendous tenacity and a silly sense of humor…. it is my hope we can pull it semi together. …. Even though when it falls apart..and everything shatters… I know with my heart and head…I’ll stick around, crawl all over the ground and put the pieces back together making the most beautiful mosaic – our life together!
(PS..thanks for always having the glue to help me) I love you my FROG PRINCE…for ever after!
Happy Belated Anniversary Lisa and Gary!!! Another year that has gone fast on one hand and has been long and painful for you (S) on the other—- BUT you made it!!! You guys are amazing how you hold strong and get through it and piece it back together. You can and will come out on top and your love for each other will make your new begining wonderful. I love you both and admire you both very much!!!
I am sooo excited Kayla is coming to visit- can’t wait!!!!!
Ahhh…sucks too many years too throw away…time to change for both of us… piece by piece …. an all too real mossaic… of our life..we love you too!