The Haggled Housewife Blog

So….to follow up ……

I know everyone wants to know the story of when I finally met face to face with SISSY.  The first two meetings I missed.   I stayed away and hid purposefully…plus don’t forget feed back from the Real Estate Agents revealed that I had made potential clients feeling  like trespassers going through my treasures.  So in all honesty, I probably would have risked sabotaging the sale had I stayed around…(sometimes I am smart).  Goober Gary had scheduled a third meeting for SISSY to take a look at the other stuff that we had for sale. ( A pre sale to our sacrificial sale which I sold and bought back my soul per say…wink,wink)  He thought it would be a  cordial courtesy for her.

SISSY arrived with a single pal passe and honest to you…I wasn’t really quite sure if she really just came to show her friend her pad.  She really did not seem very interested in any of the items that we had for sale.  As you learned selling is not my forte… and I had listed all of our worldly (  oh all right….  financed) possessions on the word processor.  I gave a hard copy to SISSY for review.  I carefully had calculated everything we could sell.  I proceeded to give her a commando type tour.  Prefacing everything with ( although I am not so sure…if it was for her or me…) that we were firm on our price…stating we could take everything with us to the TLC house.  Even blunderingly ( is that even a word) boasting…how beautiful and big …our new space was.  I think I also caught myself smirking and standing with my hands on hips sending the stinky eye. Her gal pal…kept shaking her head in agreement with me…but most definitely thinking to herself…. “You want way too much money for this stuff..lady…SISSY is  not buying anything…” ”Why would she  want it anyway?..SHE  can get her own stuff!” “REMEBER WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH HERE…SHE is a SISSY!”  (Sorry I got swept in the moment …and forgot)

During the tour…… I awkwardly had come to learn that Mr. Meyer had decided to throw in my downstairs BOSES to SISSY as a bonus.    I confirmed with SISSY ( a promise was a promise and I would honor his great gift and humongous heart) (And you wonder why we never have any money… either he or I are always given everything away)…I did though shoot the stinky eye to Generous Gary and he in fact did hang his head.  For sure to SISSY, we looked like we had communication concerns in our marriage.  ( and to think that I was bragging on about how well we were doing with communicating…….) This maddening  mishap didn’t stop there… because of course I was taken off guard…and I know how Gary is…… …. “Lis… we have to buy this now… and this… because we gave it away…” or “Kayla broke her…”or “Cobey needs a new….etc…”

As a result of my  dumb discovery….. I ranted and raved HAGGLED HOUSEWIFE STYLE that I was the “naughty” one and he was the “nice” one.  I looked and acted like a full fledged MUT (Mean UGLY troll)….You know the type that I hate…that I faced in the CONDO fiasco. “What is the big idea giving away good stuff….” I shouted.  “We need all this stuff… ” I growled and scowled…(troll type)

SISSY and I sized each other up and I know neither one was really comfortable…since she had previously purchased all our patio furniture…and Mr. Meyer had thrown in so many more added items…a stereo..TV…speakers..ping pong table…I think she thought I was going to begin to take everything back…. because of my bonus BOSES bone.      In the end SISSY only bought two bookcases and mini refrigerator…Honest to you those items weren’t even on my official typed list…( go figure) TOTAL:  $55.00

I don’t really know how I feel about the meeting…… during it I didn’t tell her  that  I wrote a book about the Recession and the house…. and that I blogged my journey  for my four faithful fans ( every week)…( I am not so sure she would have been so impressed with that) (Honest to you …you she probably would have thought the idea was poo and that I am just a spoiled stuffigan shrew) (which is probably not to far from the facts)

 I thought in the end I would feel something more…. that I would leave her a note or a book or something but sad to say a semi-clean house and all of Goober Gary’s free promised stuff is probably all I can manage to  muster….( and truthfully that is all I really feel I should leave behind….)

This story really must be about something else…

I rationalize with myself and I realize this part of the story to me is still about loss and as I write this I have learned that loss really still scares the s— out of me.  That is probably why I acted that way during the meeting. (also because of my stuffigan ways)

Losing something is hard,  baseball games, money in a casino and contact lenses, all things you don’t want to lose.  You can lose your license, your salvation and  your library book.  You can lose your hair, opportunity and your wits about yourself.  You can lose yourself or  loved ones to death, illness, addiction or incarceration.  You can lose your ability, your passion and your focus.  You can lose your voice, your cookies ( yeah…I am talking about throw up), your electricity, your health and your health care coverage.  You can lose your dignity, your grace and your self respect.  You can lose you innocence, your identity,  your self worth, your phone and the one I practically famous for ….(no not my house.) .. …but myself…. my self worth.. .my sense of humor… my honesty…my sadness.. my strength….my sarcasm…..   and my much needed resiliency….

The truth is even though I sold my  house due to the Recession and the not so GUS decisions that I made through out my GROWN UP life…. …I still feel like I lost my house,  myself and me…. throughout the process….  I know all are empathic to loss….because a big part of life is about loss… and everyone loses something sometime…

Loss is powerful and painful and although not purposefully …. is unavoidable…recovery from loss is heart-wrenching, heartbreaking, sad, slow…but eventually attainable…although inevitable  people change because of their life losses.  (sometimes for the better and sometimes people stay stuck for very long time)  (Look at me going on and on for the past two years…like a broken record)

I know meeting SISSY ( and I am sure the same goes for her) doesn’t top my ten most monumental moments in my life.  (oh and by the way… I know I also lost some dignity, self respect and grace during the meeting as well…but I did …do it ) and it is behind me and puts me one step closer to the “literal” and “figurative”  actual closing which I will be facing in two weeks.

I finally do think in fact her part of the story is done.  The Haggled Housewife Life story is not about who bought the house…it is definitely about who sold the house…………

As I write this post I am literally and figuratively surrounded in a sea of stuff.  I am trying to sell my Haggled Housewife Life Stuff.  I sit outside on my Five Below camping chair drinking lukewarm coffee.  I am exhausted and drippy little tears and big droopy tears are falling on my Teacher’s Journal which is slated as my writing tablet which I of course at the last minute rescued from my fifty cent box.  While severe thunderstorms are predicated , the sale is slighted for inside and outside.  Although in actually the rain is warmly welcomed as physically, Gary and I cannot even continue to lift and transport all of our 14 years of sale items anymore.  A weeks worth of lack of sleep and my weight have surely cemented that.

Due to the sale on Saturday…. I missed Cobey’s tournament game which may actually be a good thing because my little son cried and carried on due to the anticipated self inflicted excitement… anticipation…. and expectation …. he places on himself.  Despite my “slow and steady” comments …Cobey is crabby.  He states his mitt doesn’t fit right, his bat is too big and his cleats are clumsy.  Despite my theme song approach…”You are on fire Meyer!” “Whatever happens …happens… ” I assure him.   He shouts out the car window “Bye Mom” “I love you” and I am back to writing about this sacrificial sale. ( I am a little resentful..that I have to miss the games this weekend ..due to all this “stuff”.)

Friday, actually marked the first day of the sale and honest to you when I first put out all of my Haggled Housewife Life stuff…I was sick to my stomach.  It was so overwhelming to see (now remember) only the items that we aren’t even planning on taking with us.  A quick glance around and I was flooded with feelings of remorse, overindulgence, waste and what ifs.  For sure my powerful pals – The Three Headed Monster (Could’ve, Would’ve and Should’ve), my friendly friend foe Fred ( singing the wrong song), Silly STAN and of course no other than GUS were all crazy customers.  They didn’t buy anything and in actuality neither did alot of other people.  Honest to you most people only commented on the magnitude of the holiday hoopla we have.  I think one of the bold browsers boasted -”This looks like a holiday hangout.”

Most of the day was spent wheeling and dealing, nickle and diming, swishing and swashing, schmoozing and boozing ( only kidding – NO BOOZE) (Funny to think I am finally going to use the word in the FANCY PROPER WAY – that I have come to love and so do you ….HAGGLING! ( Although truth being ……I didn’t fair well…and I have to hang my head in shame…because of my self proclaimed claim to fame.(shhhhhh…. but  truthfully…. I stunk at it.) I am not really tough selling stuff.    Although, I did a good job of stuffing  myself with three slices of pizza at dunch time (3:00 PM) and watched Cobey again buy all of  my friend Sue’s stuff. ( Her son Michael’s bat and baseball. ) $6.00 again  out of my pitiful pittance.  “Look around”, I snapped at Gary….”Our whole  life is on the damn curb”.

 I stragically posted around my driveway and front yard  big signs…( due to the weather report) to help with the sale.   My South of the Border style seems to be back firing.  Maybe my Church Creche and 10 ft Halloween Hearse are fighting the purpose.  I silently believe customers are thinking…judging….(They are insulting me by offering me a dollar for items that I paid upwards of $50.00 for)   They are  waging their fingers while tssking) the wasteful indulgence of my pre recession days.

( I know I am…to…..)   In an ironic way I feel as if I am selling my soul (Wow…how profound…)..paying the piper…settling the score….laying an egg ( just like the big ostrich I know I am.) 

 Familiar feelings of my Poomont Book sale plague me as well.  Pouring rain, only selling six books.  Thank goodness I try to help change lives for a living and do not sell stuff….if not …  for sure the play – The Haggled Housewife would be similar to the Willie Loman legacy ( and that of course although a very interesting famous (wink,wink) story is not in actuality the  ending I am really  looking for the Haggled Housewife  (me).

Remembering….  I help write my own story ( I have some real practice from the book) and that I am moving to the TLC House helps me.  I am getting too BRAVE, STRONG and SMART to let my writing go any other way. ( Didn’t I say I moved the sale inside due to the threat of severe thunderstorms.)   As I wait for every cutthroat customer ….I actually begin going through my stuff today with an easier eye and a happier heart.  Piece by piece….. loving looking and reasonable rationalizing with myself ….why we had to have it our life.  (My fanny lifter helped me to get skinny , the stuffed chicken Kayla won at the shore and Cobey’s  WWF Wrestling belt which he got at the wrestling show…….were  all cool useful loved  items…. back in the day… but it is a new day…..now…

As I look at all of the stuff I realize it is part of  the story of  the Haggled Housewife…..  Bits and pieces…mementos, impulses and yes for sure over indulgences ( a pirate alarm clock , turkey platter and weather station) … ( or at the time needful necessities)   In anticipation for the end of the three day sale today…..  (YEAH)!!!!!.I have decided to divide the piles again……. donate…re-purpose…reuse and finally let go…. (Buy my own soul back….per say) (Damn…I am soooooo  profound and deep….if only now  I could not get my breath not to stink….(LCL).(Allright…no cackle laugh..in actuality wiping away drippy and droopy tears)  

We used the stuff…we loved the stuff…we had to have the stuff   …… but we really do not need it so much anymore….lets just say the sale symbolizes a bitter sweet… ”new (stuff free)  chapter” in my Haggled Housewife Life.  ( a stuffer per say)

P.S.  I finally did  meet face to face with SISSY ( Stay tuned for the whole story)(I have to keep you coming back for more….)

P.S.S – Keep your fingers crossed …we sell our high ticket items today……..we are trying to make enough money to pay for Miss. Bedford.

As I write this it is my last official day of school ( with my kids – it was last week by the way…).  My kids are all peacefully sleeping.  I can hear them breathing.  One little guy is even snoring.  It is sooo quiet and cool in the room.  Calm music of the ocean is playing in the background.  The perfect setting to going on stay-cation. Another year is done and thankfully it was a fairly good one all around.  I tried something new ( My coach position, drove in the snow…no  one got hurt…believe it or not even in such a short time the kids learned alot and I had some real fun)  I mostly measure success of progress by how the class flows and the last two months of school had been full of heartfelt surprises, emotion and more bonding than I ever imagined.  The kids, the parents and the Teaching assistant were kind, considerate and very flattering.  They made it a real pleasure to come to work..I am grateful for that…18 years doing the same job – sometimes honest to you is too much but the kids always make it comical, interesting and never dull and this year they made it easy – almost like I never worked anywhere else ( even though I know it wasn’t true).

So now that I am official on STAYCACTION from my “real GUS job”…I can begin my summer move and packing job…. The closing date is set for July 29th so that gives us about three and half weeks.   So I know everyone ( all five of you -wink,wink) want to know where we are going to go and what we found. 

 Ta Dah…we are moving clear across town ( not too far) so I think I will be able to find my way… but far enough where I will  see different scenery.( On a side note we looked at a place 6 houses away from our old house)    We found a house for rent ….a big house is size but not so much in price.  (Although honest to you  we did have to go over budget maybe a little tiny bit)  The house doesn’t have all the bells and whistles of our mortgaged Haggled House.  ( No pool, no hot tub, no waterfall, no gazebo, no pond, no enormous deck) But (Don’t you just love it when I am not afraid to start a sentence with BUT) it does have a built in doggie door for Miss. Bedford, a full bathroom for everyone (Princess ALYAK even has one in her room) Yep that’s right …three full bathrooms..although Cobes’s is pink… (although when talking about it please refer to it as a shade of off white (wink,wink), an eat in kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a 2nd relaxing  room for just Gary and me, 4 bedrooms, so (Cobes can have his own video room again), an office for my HAGGLEDHOUSEWIFE life and a storage room  for all of Gary’s painting stuff, plus a converted garage  which was made into a huge bedroom with a bathroom for me and Gary.   Nine rooms alltogether…count them!  Central air ( ahhh..cool air in the summer) a backyard with a swing for me and a built in basketball court ( now Cobey can play real games) we will put the other one across like a real “pretend” regulation court.  A shed for our snow blower and other outside stuff.  It is well worn like our family and I really think we can make it feel like home, with all our stuff.( Well not all our stuff.. we are selling a great deal of our stuff to pay for Miss. Bedford.. but enough of our wanted stuff)

(I am trying really hard to be positive…don’t you think?)  It really has all of those things no exaggeration… although not so easy on the eye at first…. it needs  tender love and care, a little repair (   oh okay… maybe a medium amount of repair,  creative smarts, an  open mind  and a  cool  family to give it some excitement and  life ) (THATs the part where we come in)

The story behind the dreaded haggled house hunt is a twisty, up and down and all around one.  Would you expect anything less?…..The story is a multidimensional one…too…ahhh. poo!  We had decided on a Condo.  We were all in agreement, the space was okay… a little bit on the smaller size but would work for what we wanted.  I won’t lie the location was great.  It was close to everything..but upon further inspection it is noted it didn’t fit our needs as much as we wanted…limited parking, no storage, not enough room and the landlady honest to you reminded me and treated me like the MEAN UGLY TROLL in one of my favorite classic tales…The Three Billy Goats Gruff.  (Whose that renting…my CONDO roared the LandLady Troll )  It is not I …. the HAGGLED HOUSEWIFE I said….  in a teeny tiny voice….  (Honest to you…I am way too brave, strong and smart for BS LADY….) (Denise you would have been so proud)  (P.s.s…By the way I used my powerful kung fu writing via email to decline…while keeping my grace….  dignity and self respect)

We had looked at the  house when it came up and at first glance it was too big and too fugly.  It was overwhelming….too many rooms…too much to maintain….too much to clean… we thought we really wanted to go back to the simpler life…. the  life of the condo ( no snow shoveling, no grass cutting)  but I just couldn’t stop that haggling feeling of something not right…gosh darn it though it had take out food on every corner and a restaurant to have dinner…)In my heart it just didn’t feel good…. (Although it is noted  from our new place ( right across the street)  we can walk to a family restaurant/diner which is open from 6:00 AM to 10:00 PM every day) (HEY…HEY…HEY) It is also three to four blocks away from another restaurant for Mr. Meyer and I to go out at night (wink,wink).

Surprising enough..the real estate lady that showed us the house the first time, called us back and said “What do you think about the house?”  “Take a second look”, she said.  I said to her…”OKAY”.    Honest to you, I wasn’t sure if Gary wanted to take a second look, but he did and when Gary looked for a second time and he actually liked what he saw… he said…”Lis… I can fix it!” “I know I  can  and look at all the space you and I will have.”  “Okay”, I said… let’s give it a try.” ( I know he can … together I think we can do just about  anything now if we try)Also honest to you … there are not that many houses to rent in our price range in our town…. and the house fits most of our needs… it is  not perfect by any means… but  as I have learned nothing really is. SO WE SAID …”WHAT THE HEY?!”  It is relieving to realize that  there can be the possibility of  happiness and life again in another place/space…./ dare I say… HOUSE or do I say HOME?! (LCL) I don’t know yet…but I will of course keep you posted. 

Truthfully, so far the best part of  finding this house was the email warm welcome….. I received from this new landlord. (A very different feel from the CONDO “MUT” LADY)  (Mr. Landlord as he will be known) in the story…  said and I hope he doesn’t mind that I am sharing….”I hope you enjoy and have a great time living in the house.”  I cried when I read that of course…. It made me feel a little less haggled and a little more  relieved.. dareI say… it put my mind at little at ease.  I cried the little drippy tears and big droopy tears.    All I need now is Mr. Meyer too remain calm and not get overly excited…… me too though!  (I would be lying if I said there wasn’t tough stuff ahead)  I think in the end this house is not where I intended to go but where I intended to be… ( so I will just go with that…) GUT FEELING…. at least for now…..

Believe it or not ..the story doesn’t end here…. (weekly posts hard to fit everything in) …the story just isn’t done…. The Real Estate Lady… who showed us the new house….which will affectionately now be known as THE TLC…(TENDER LOVE  and CARE) house  actually remembered me from showing my  HAGGLED HOUSE…and through this process  she said she liked me and wanted me to get the TLC house.  (So I had a little extra help and for that I am grateful) (SEE ..you really do get what you give)  So while she was checking our credit report she googled my email- because she thought it was a peculiar name for a painting company.. ( which it would be) and she discovered the story behind the house.  So now copy 104 of the book (yeah) is gone as well.

Was it the power of the house?…the power of the book?  ……was it meant to be.?.. I am not really sure..? . Funny how life can come full circle….sometimes….so my new address will be the TLC house.  So just like me …. THE HAGGLED HOUSEWIFE with the right amount of tender love and care…it is my hope my new house and me can only get better.

The next couple of weeks I will be plenty busy…packing, sorting, moving, changing and  rearranging.  (literally and figuratively) It is alot for us to do but I think  I am ready for the challenge and the change…(did I just admit to that?)

Please stay tuned for my postings… as always I will let you know how everything is going…..

In honor of our sixteen year anniversary I have decided to break down and do it….write my “mushy gushy”“ooey gluey”  ”humble heartfelt”  passionate post to my gorgeous gentle Gary..(AKA:  MY FROG PRINCE…my broken/better half ….my handsome hustling hubby (wink,wink).

It is hard to believe we are married sixteen years and like I wrote in the book, some years were definitely better than others.  This year is still wide open and I believe it can possibly be an exciting interesting one.  Honest to you, my feelings about my husband can change on the day, circumstance and what he has done. (Notice how I say what he has done) (LCL).  That being said, I think that is standard in every marriage ( whether anyone wants to admit to it or not). 

 I better get started on the mushy gushy sweet syrupy ooey gluey lovey dovey provocative post I promised…. (SAY THAT FIVE TIMES FAST) My true fearless feelings and silly sentiments ….here goes hold your noses for my  possible sexy proses….

At night, usually when I wake in the middle of it because I can’t sleep…I reach out and put my arms around him and squeeze him really really tight.  I lean over and give him little small butterfly kisses on his face and neck.  He usually mumbles “mmmmm” and stirs not necessarily quiet sometimes saying “ahhhh”…. I cry little drippy tears and big droopy tears sometimes a mixture of both …I feel I would be so alone without Gary, even when I am cranky and sad.  I would have no feeling, no emotion..no love.  I wrap myself in his delicious smokey smell till morning and often say to myself…what the h—-, I really do love this grouchy… gloomy… grimy… greedy… goosey …genuine …gentle… gracious …gifted…great guy.

I am not kidding when I say after sixteen years of marriage …we have had ups and downs -(look at that description)  one thing I know for sure in my life is my husband loves me.  I see it and I feel it.  It is not a perfect love and honest to you sometimes I do thinks he forgets at times that he may even like me( when he gets mad or annoyed with me)  but I know he is there for me the best way he knows how to be and for our family.  He has proven that to me in little ways and big ways throughout the years. 

The past two years that we have shared ( the for richer and poorer thing) have been so rocky and alot of the time I was so angry, hurt and sad.  I was scared and I know he was too.  Lots of times we lost each other.  I don’t know how we held on and made it through… we are finally re beginning to find each other again… I don’t see myself anymore when I look in the mirror ( I don’t think he sees me either) I look really big, blurred and distorted but fortunately for me I am still standing… a little shaky but still standing.  I know Gary wants me to get better and he wants me to  go back to living, laughing and being more carefree…..  When we talk about it now I think he finally understands that I matter…..  my needs, my wants and my desires.  My valuable opinion counts, my not so great advice and companionship counts too now…much more than I ever think it did to him……

I think it has taken us sixteen years and a history of happiness and pain as well as almost losing everything to get closer to each other.    I guess this experience has made us both finally realize all we really have is each other and that we need each other to make our lives …..whole,complete, fun ( someone to really be  there to really support )  -  It may sound cliche…. but  I know we have learned…… I need to and have to be stronger and he needs and has to be more open and honest and not so determined and more willing to compromise….

We are no longer what we have…. ( we don’t have anything anymore)  but we are ….who we are together…the money we will make will not reflect who we are and who we should be..as always we will share what we have… but as an interior painter and non profit worker we finally learned it will never be alot and that is finally okay. .. for the both of us.  It is my hope we will make better choices with our hard earned money but I know myself and I know him..I have a feeling we sometimes won’t always do the right thing. Now I don’t mean like not paying the rent (right thing)  but I mean like splurging on sunflowers, a dinner out and maybe a new pretty blouse for me. (Look at how self entitled I can really be) but I am counting on better communication…working more as a team together… I am ready, willing and able and believe he is too..I am sure our life is no longer the same from what has happened to us.

Which sometimes as I haggle my way through ( like only I know how) …I am finally learning that this is okay….together we can try to face anything….

Gary – I hope this post was a romantic mushy gushy….. restart and an added excitement to the next sixteen years together.  With constant communication, tremendous tenacity  and a  silly sense of humor…. it is my hope we can pull it semi together. ….  Even though when it falls apart..and everything shatters… I know with my heart and head…I’ll stick around, crawl all over the ground and put the pieces back together making the most beautiful mosaic – our life together!

(PS..thanks for always having  the glue to help me)  I love you my FROG PRINCE…for ever after!

It’s been a long time since I sat down to write….23 days of rest to be exact…. As I look back …..the past 23 days have been filled with ups, downs, twists and turns.  They have been exhausting…overwhelming…and dare I say exhilarating.. almost enlightening. (Honest to you at times it felt like a giant crop of crap)  …(ohhh, my muddy mouth)

I have been spent my time waiting to hear if SISSY got the mortgage commitment and agreed to the house repairs… which both answers are yes…so it is official – the haggledhousewife has sold her house.  I still cry when I say it but only the tiny drippy tears that sting my eyes..when Gary wipes them away….  not the big droopy ones that fall continuously from my face that I can’t stop.  (Progress as I inch closer to the closing date…)

I have spent my time looking at places to live… some completely crazy, cramped and sad to say not so clean…. ( remember we are limited on where we can look) because we are on a budget and we promised our kids to stay in town.  Nothing is 100% definite on this yet…but sometime next week…we should know… ( ahh…don’t you love my element of surprise)  ( see  this why …. you have to come back to read my posts)

I have spent the time sorting through our stuff…deciding figuratively and literally what to take… (making three piles) sell, keep and give away. Recognizing most of the stuff we need hold all of our memories.  I have some really cool ideas for our new pad and our use of stuff. 

In addition to this I have of course been working full time at my real job ( putting on a big end of the year celebration show) (showcasing my writing with my tribute to my class…which went very well by the way)…going to baseball games ..Cobey is now playing summer ball and trying to keep an EAGLE EYE on my teenager ( trust me plenty of posts for a later time…)

Add in our 16 year anniversary which was fun ( we went to happy hour at a local bar)… while Cobey had a birthday party… (Hows that for HAGGLED TIMING) Kay’s fabulous 15 ( remember that my mom is sick so we decided to celebrate early) (which by the way went off without a hitch.)  We were surrounded by good family… good friends…( people who care about us and who we care about ) and good food ….( as well as  loud…(banging) kid music) Everyone  seemed to really enjoy themselves safely… and Today of course is Father’s Day… so needless to say I have to spend the day waiting on GORGEOUS Gary’s every little whim. (Honest to you … I really don’t mind) On a side note he has been so great to me and the kids lately.  I almost so ready to write my mushy post to him…I feel it …it is finally coming!

Sounds like real rest…right…

Everyday that I didn’t write, I thought about writing and even made story starters. I know my #1 fans – Denise and Murph were waiting patiently on the sidelines waiting and wondering themselves…What’s next?  Silently saying to themselves…don’t quit Haggled Housewife…not this time… you are really on to something….

I think I just needed time to rest…it seems like during the two years I  have never rested…. I was always worrying, wondering, wishing, dreaming,  thinking, planning, crying, pondering … feeling lost…..during the past 23 days here is what I know I discovered…..

Deep down inside I know I am the haggled housewife.  I can’t really lie , it is who I am.  This story is my life, even on the days ( the past 23)  when I maybe didn’t want to be.  Writing is now part of me and has become part of my life…..  It’s the haggling part..I still have the trouble with and finding the delicate balance for everything. (Wife, mother, friend, teacher, daughter, work, leisure (yada, yada, yada) you know the old broken record)

Many a late night Gary and I had talked about how would I write …depending on how the story would go… we even joked about book two ( imagine a second book) (I can’t even get book one published yet) but I am planning book two.  Also, would I even write after I sold the house…I mean in all truthfulness……. the story could possibly be over… the house is sold…(I didn’t save the house…like I dreamed about with my powerful OPRAH hoperah… and my sad ..sarcastic…touching…. remarks) but on a side note… I took a bold chance..tried something new…used my spirit and soul and really grew…. (figuratively and literally)( in more ways than one…wink,wink)  ( You know me have to throw in some of my famous rhyming) You know …I  now have a little following ( four that I know about) possibly a few more secret ones….who actually read and like my posts.  

So where do I go from here… if you remember in the book…I use the quote…”If you don’t get lost you may never be found” by Unknown… I also say… that being lost is scary for me. I say when I am lost I try to use safety measures such as an itinerary, a compass and a map.  Being lost was and is unavoidable for me,  writing the Haggled Housewife was my way of using my “established lost” trail to find a unique innovative” trail . Then I proceed to say who am I kidding, as you will read in my book…I am still trying to find the stick to begin marking my trail. I am still looking for that stick!

It’s hard to believe it has been two years to get where I am today on the trail and where we are in the story …and  my heart, soul and spirit tells me that we are only somewhere in the middle of the story…

I don’t think the story is suppose to end here… like this… with this being my last and final post.  The story is suppose to be an ongoing  serio comic cathartic confessional not a mystery with big cliff hanger… ( Like what the h— happened to the Haggled Housewife?) Where are her posts?!  (Did she literally and figuratively fall off the face of the earth?)  Nah… she was again just in the closet hiding from her old foe GUS ( or resting in her bed) (Don’t worry Denise… bed at 12:00 PM not good…got it! Bed at 10:00 PM ) She was just in the corner snacking on cheetos while being to lazy to pick up a pen… or to rephrase it …. without beating myself up ( see I wasn’t kidding…. I am changing and growing)  taking a well deserved rest…so I can only come back stronger, smarter, and more braver ( I know grammatically incorrect but it fits perfect so it stays in ….! so now my  posts will be more bountiful…. filled with an honest mixture of humor, sadness and sarcasm ( dare I add happiness… as well as action, adventure and a little romance) (wink,wink)

YOU KNOW THE BEST STORY EVER – THE HAGGLED HOUSEWIFE LIFE…because it is written from my heart! Only like I can tell it… so if my (fans/friends) will still have me ..I would love to continue…just not so much…maybe once a week and more or less and if something happens..  but this time..if something happens I will let you know… that I need a  well deserved rest….  but I would love to commit to once a week…writing about my two best friends, my new dog named Miss. Bedford, snow days, toast with grape jam, fireworks, rainbows, rainstorms, coffee carmel lattes,  bike rides, my family and my non profit job.  As I write the list it is hard to stop because I know the story I am writing is my own – the best story ever!

Haggled Housewife  Helpers- Never fear the story is back and now more better (LCL)(wink,wink) I still have plenty to say, lots to share and sooo much to learn…plus what would Denise read in her spare time?)

Today are home visits/ parent teacher conferences for my “real” job-job as teacher at my non profit. 

As I got up today after my shower, I preceded to put on a professional “real” dress and little professional “real”  make up.  I actually blowed dried my “real”  hair (combed it) and straightened my bang with my teenage daughter Kayla super duper hair straightener ( the one I paid like $49.99) for.

My husband stared straight at me and said  ”Where are you going?”  “To WORK…” mmmmm…I replied.  “Like that?” he said.  “You are all gussied up!”  “I like it you look you beautiful” and he winked.  “I know”, I said.  “Home visits today.”, rolling my eye… “Don’t be surprised… if the kids and the parents…don’t open the door and let you in…they may not recognize you.” He chuckled.   “so funny jokeyman”, I shouted. (THIS ISSUE IS ALWAYS A STICKY ONE  for  ME….Internal beauty vs. External beauty) ( a long and lengthy chapter in my book)

Like I have said…numerous ( hundreds-thousands-millions) of times I realize my look  is extreme… sometimes it is like a before and after picture.  The part that makes me feel the saddest is that… people don’t realize…sometimes I do it on purpose… because I am focusing my energy on something else… just because I don’t wear make up doesn’t mean… I don’t feel good that day… I just could have been too busy…doing something else.  Usually I am greeted with shrieks of “Are you okay?”  “What happened to you?”  “You don’t look good.”  “I am only saying this because I care about you!…….. ” (”Psstt…by the way you tackless dumbhead”)(  I saw your disapproving stinky eye”that my blouse clashes with my skirt and my hair needs dye…)   (Why can’t you just get over it?)  In my old age I am finally realizing everything has beauty but not everyone can see it.

I feel like people say ….Lisa prehair combing and makeup (boo)

I feel like people say….Lisa posthair combing and makeup (yeah)

(Who cares how you are emotionally, spiritually, socially, academically….just look at the outside of you…..)

I promised myself many things when I sell my house… one of them is certainly investing more in myself ( because I will no longer be investing in my house) so I want to LOOK the part ( you know the outside to inside thing) -to make people feel more comfortable…and as a result maybe I will finally come to peace with it…..

 I think people really dig that…. kind of thing…( or it is just really important to them) It is holding me back ……

So I need to learn to become the part of  a ( get ready for this one girls) to be a  SISS-SOBS ( the older and more mature version of SISSY)

STRONG INDEPENDENT SELF SUFFICIENT SMART OLD BRAVE SEXY LADY – (Did I just say that?  Yes… I did…)  just without the money, good paying job and security.. ( no matter what I do… I will never have that….) but I guarantee …..I will make it up with my  powerful sarcasm, wit, humor and even sadness ( just go with me on this okay….) I have to work up to living up to that SEXY thing….

Remember I am still under tremendous stress and pressure… you know phase 2 ( waiting period) Friday is Appraisal day….and what the hey I have to start somewhere so how about a little list ( not my usual long and lengthy) one… that includes daily exercise …walking, combing my hair and relaxing more…stopping to smell the flowers more…  because I don’t want this particular post to turn into trash talk.. I want it to be like I just swallowed a bottle of truth sermon concocted by Confucius himself.  (wink,wink)

As always…I will keep you posted on my progress….of EVERYTHING in my haggled housewife life.

Yesterday was inspection day of our Haggled House.

According to my dictionary ( the big hard covered one) not the the (the small soft flimsy paper back version one) …inspect means to view closely in critical appraisal, to examine officially; inspection is the act of inspecting; a checking or testing of an individual against established standards.

LOTS OF GUS stuff going on at my house …… that I don’t really know if I can do anything about anyway until we get the report anyway.  I will just stay away and let grouchy gibberish Gary handle all of this.  (Hang out and put in some productive over time at work) ( Yeah sure…. twirling again in the office assistant chair…this time balancing a nutrigrain bar under my lip instead of a fig newton)

In a few days…

I of course will look at the report…snort… and say no matter what it says….  ”Are you kidding me?” ” There is nothing wrong with my perfectly good house.”  I will compare it to the other one we had.  Supposedly SISSY’s friend is her home inspector.  Do I think that means anything?…. I don’t really know… ( all my friends are teachers) ( even the old ladies) so to call them today probably wouldn’t do anything for me either.  I don’t have any friends, confidants, acquaintances or connections in the publishing field either… and as you know I have been extremely unsuccessful getting my book published ( I guess just as well)…. we are in the middle of the story…..anyway…without the book getting published….

I guess you  can see what a sour mood I am in today…yesterday too…( even a little more moody) ( I think I burst in tears three times)… You know how I don’t deal with being judged very good.  I always expect the worst… Keep your fingers crossed we come to some kind of agreement…. in this step of the process…

I noticed I am trying really hard to stay focused.  Upon patient self inspection I realize I am eating, writing, sleeping and drinking  ( Did I just admit to that…) ( like a fool) even more sporadically than usual. ( But I guess you noticed that… I am begining to miss postings )  (Trying my best ( crying)  in the corner doing my preschool powerful calming mantra)

 Of course I will keep you posted…..during this self inspection time……

It is that time of the day again…it’s haggled housewife time….believe it or not I am up and showered by four am.

Saturday and Sunday I went about my business of trying to act cool during my hefty house loony lengthy LALA  limbo. 

Saturday, I went to the one day wonder sale at Old Navy.  Specifically, I went for the flip flops ($ 1.00 a pair) evidently everyone else and their mother, sister and brother had the same idea…as Sue and I stood on a long windey line for about an hour.  I didn’t mind ( we caught up on news and gossip) but Sue did….she kept saying “This is crazy…all this for a pair of a dollar  flip flops.”  I guess it goes to show the state our economy is in.    I  want  you to know,  I now have five new pairs of flip flops courtesy of the sale.  I finished out Saturday Morning buying Kayla way too much stuff…you know the moving house hot guilt trip… ( an outfit for her boyfriends sisters confirmation) ( a bathing suit from Old Navy too!)  We then (Sue, Kay and I ) looked for a dress for me for the fancy party  (YIKEES) everything was too tight and didn’t fit right!  I still have four weeks left to go…(HO,HO…the shopping fun) It is just  like getting a new bathing suit —-need I say more)

Then Sue, my mother and I ( Kay of course went home…too much trouble for her to come and support her brother) raced because I of course by accident had Cobes baseball bag in my car…to Cobey’s game.  We preceded then to watch him get hit in the head.  (the ball bounced off the ump and cluncked him in the side and then on the top) Of course Cobes cried and carried on…he was also under the weather and wasn’t feeling good all around.  He cried so much so that he didn’t really stop.  It probably was only a few seconds…. but like the over protective neurotic drama mama I am…. I of course had to……. walk on to the field ( in the middle of the game).  I coached him myself…  gave him a hug and pat and a gentle shove…..filled with mother love.   ”You can do this Cobey”, I whispered…” just try and hit the ball”…”honest…it will be okay..”.  I guess he believed me…( why shouldn’t he…I am his Mama”  but he struck out anyway…)  I knew there was a reason…I dressed a little fancy (jeans, t-shirt…new OLD NAVY Flip Flops…. vs. pj bottoms, holey t-shirt…old dollar store flip flops) NOW I KNOW WHY …BECAUSE 53 pairs OF eyes were on me……….. (I had  teased my friend Sue…in the morning..when she got in the car… singing… the crazy catwalk song….to her…… “I’m so fancy for my friend…so fancy for my friend…” )  Sue likes it when I get dressed up…my kids always say…”What happened? Where are you going?” “AHHHH…leave me alone.” I say.  (TO ALL OF THEM even Sue)

 (Believe me the ballfield  scene was not like the one  from the  Blindside movie …when she goes on the field….) (It was of course Haggled Housewife Style) I of course …..exaggerated to Kayla….when I told her….   I said “The ump… yelled at me ….”get off the field big drama  mama” “Your son is not a baby anymore”  and I said…. “Did you just call me big and say that my son is not a baby anymore….. ?”   “Those are fighting words…”  and then I pretended I had gotten “her brother suspended” as well as myself, because I started talking trash.   “See how I shame the Meyer name”…I hissed at her… cranky that she didn’t come to watch the game.    “Did that really happen?”  she said.  “YES”, I said …. “It did.”  Also when your dad came to complain to me ( as well as about me) ….I said… “You want me to give you something to cry about?!”  “Cut it out.. and leave us both alone.”  “I have a  cast iron frying pan in my pocket book and I am not afraid to use it.”  ( MY NEW LINE OF DEFENSE) (Actually …that is the truth….) I also told the guy the same thing eavesdropping  next to me… and I would have told the ump that to…….  if he would have said that to me. ( You know the line about being big and Cobey being a baby)  But instead the UMP said… “I hope he is okay!”  (THANKS UMP….I appreciate it) (Wise choice of words…you wouldn’t  want  to see me ….. put on my roughie toughie anti tear gear….)

Anywhooooo…( sorry got a little side tracked) (wink,wink)  (How is that for cool and nonchalant) Cobey got through the rest of the game..with a little ice on his head…. I gave him medicine and  put him into bed… He was exhausted and cranky..Gallant Gary and I ate london broil, veggies and potato and egg salad ( not so tasty) ( I don’t really like it with egg)…. watched a movie about marriage (go figure), drank wine and went to bed too… I think all of us were just happy to go to sleep. (Kayla had four girlfriends over during the night…)(another private post for another powerful point)

 On Sunday good natured Gary and I went to Walmart (soda was on sale).  We walked around the mega store talking  about the changes our “renewed” life would bring.  Gabby Gary was genuine with what he was saying to me.  We agreed to put all our pictures of our life on a digital frame.  ( this includes all of our memory boxes and chotskies) that we have.  Recognizing when we move, we can’t take everything with us in the same capacity.  We agreed this would be a cool way to keep everything we have but in a smaller way… I spent the afternoon (Sunday) with of course  more wine.. sorting the pictures .. much to my pleasant surprise….. I came across a picture of Gorgeous Gary at the beach ( 16 years ago).  It was on our honeymoon…Honest to you…he looked so young…so handsome… ( he had no gray hair) ( not  a one)…. I said to him…look at this.. “We don’t even go to the beach anymore….”  I teased him that I was going to to make a poster of this picture for our new place…  Kayla shouted…”Ewww…gross ma!” and Cobey then said…”How come dad looks so old now?”  I started laughing…  “Well… two reasons I know”  …”You and your sister!” 

  The kids also started sorting through their stuff too…..we now have… a sell and keep pile…. growing underneath our foose ball and air hockey table. 

A haggled housewife life sale is on the horizon as we continue on this cool adventure of purposefully being  globe trotting  stuffgan baseball playing gnomes ( wink, wink) Pssttt…. my lame insane cool haggled housewife  attempt at humor! (LCL)

What can I say today that hasn’t already been said in my haggled housewife life….I am so sorry if I sound like a broken baby CD ( saying the same things over and over ) scratchy and skipping.  Maybe soon I will sing a different tune but for now… I am playing the familiar worry waltz. (WANNA LISTEN?)

(Probably not but I can’t stop myself from saying what I am about to say…..) (I think I need to say it)

I guess sometimes we get stuck in the same place ( listening to the same music) over and over again… I feel like my biggest worry now is not how we will pay the next months mortgage but that I have stared out the same window of my office for fourteen years and seen the same  sight.  (My backyard) I know me and if you know me you know that I am afraid of unfamiliar scenery of any type.  (bathrooms, hallways, classrooms, schools, restaurants, bars, lobbies and doctors offices).  The list is long and lengthy ( but I know by now you are not surprised) So it would make sense that I am afraid to look for other places to live.  I am trying to keep positive but I know every one of them will be what I call fugly.  (A not so nice word mixed with ugly).  Now they may be perfectly good decent places but I know in my heart they will be fugly.  (Why? you are wondering to yourself….) Well ……because the truth is they won’t be my home.  This is probably the biggest hurdle I am having with all of this… Where will we will end up..? and how I will feel when I get there?…..Also how will Kayla, Gary and Cobey  feel and how they will deal, and who will they try to blame?..if they feel like the new house is really lame…? ( Let me give you one guess) ( Oh…the fun I anticipate having)   The truth is even though I sold my house …I still feel like I lost my house…. and I am trying to keep calm, keep my expectations low and just go with the flow…but this is hard. (especially for me especially now)

Remembering my preschool mature mantra “Put you hand on my tummy” and say “Calm down” only helps a little bit.  Honest to you,  I just really want to puke and hide under the soft fuzzy covers of my cozy bed ( making sure GUS, STAN, FRED and the Terrible Three can’t get in and start picking on me)  (I triple locked the door last night… ) Thinking they would find a short cut in…

This is the part that probably makes the most angriest ( or saddest) depending on the day…today I am  angry….I am angry at myself for not being stronger, more forceful, more active ( when how it came to how we spent  our money) You know I find it so funny that I tried but I was just not successful in trying to stop spending money on our house and in the end…we end up having to sellit…maybe due to little bit of this ( or alot )( who knows because of the added stress of the economy)  (It seems surreal…almost make believe….) I gave in because it was easier to do…than to fight..cry and carry on ( and now I am doing just a different kind of that)

Sometimes I feel so angry and sad with Gary too!.  I want to scream and shout….”because of you…I have to live in a pretend ZOO ( you know my characters) - I  have a messed up life.”  “I just can’t get it right…I tried to give you everything …and it just wasn’t enough…I was a good wife, lover and mother to you. ”  ”We had everything amd you just  threw it away.”  “By getting greedy, seedy and acting all crazy dummy like needy.( We should have a pristine driveway..and a hot pot…Xerox and a weather station) “For cripes sake I know you didn’t mean to … but its what true..and now we have to literally and figuratively have to pay the price for all the stuff we have.”

As I wipe away those big droopy tears ( I am famous for) with the back of my hand…. I know I can’t throw away sixteen years ( next month) of marriage…. we have come too  far….and my kids love their father… ( certainly much more than me (wink,wink).  Even I love him still with all my heart…but I want so much for it  to be better for us…. to work together……. for the best of us.

No shortcuts ….this time….. getting to place worth going… (you know we have alot of marriage and  haggled housewife life left)

In my haggled housewife life for the past couple of days I am certainly cockeyed ( all right who am I kidding for the past couple of days) (I am always cockeyed..) (But you know that…)

I have one eye on yesterday and one eye on tomorrow for sure…especially lately…  I haggle everyday what should I write…what am I feeling…what do I really want to say

Do I just write about how I feel? Do I write about trying to have someone to see my book?  Do I write about the weather?  Do I write that I finally learned the difference between Foccahia and Pizza?  …(You know I have a silly story to share about this which I have got to tell) ( I truthfully wonder what has the best appeal)

In my think tank … my bubble bath…I think alot.  My mind or should I say my eye is on yesterday…tomorrow and everything in between…that is why I am truly cockeyed today.  My mind is racing in seven million ways since we have sold the house….   Honest to you for the past couple of days…. All I keep repeating to myself is….”RELAX”  ”Deep breath in…Deep breath out.”…” “Put your hand on your tummy …”say calm down….” “and count out loud….”  meditation.  (hey if it can work for the preschoolers it can work for me…) (I am now carrying  BE CALM BUNNY in my pocketbook)

Like in my book…when I wrote….  about howI felt about going to college … I feel  like I did almost twenty five years ago, when I handed in my revised writing assignment to that (overly critical)(brutally honest) (painfully truthful) teacher… before and after… the before part ( all the blahhhhh stuff) and the after part…waiting for word and comment…not really knowing what to expect..what the outcome was going to be…(anxiously pacing the floors… peeking out the door…waiting for the lion to roar)

The truth is I am like a big pile of mush.  (figuratively and literally) (EVEN MORE SO THAN USUAL) one minute laughing, crying, singing, dancing, shouting, sighing, flipping and flooping all around the floor…just trying to patiently get to the next stage…. which as I sure I have mentioned probably a hundred times already but  is going to take at least three to four weeks of limbo time…. in the infamous house selling to SISSY. 

 So literally and figuratively……. here is what I  have decided to do…while I am on the limbo line.  (COVER BOTH EYES AND LOCK MYSELF IN MY HALL CLOSET) (Just leave me a dozen jelly donuts,  three  twelve pack of diet pepsi,  five bags of  cheetos and six carafes of coffee outside the door) (ten ball point pens and seven legal pads)

(All right… so see ya guys in four weeks) (wink,wink)

(All right…I am only kidding…) Here is what  I have decided to try to do…… keep both eyes focused in the present and in the moment on today ( only today) ( My eyes just need to share that information with  my tummy  which is constantly in an uproar…)

I am going to swim, watch movies, go to  Cobey’s B ball game, get flip flops for a dollar a pair ( at OLD NAVY), soak in the hot tub and try not to stub my toe when I walk.  I will read books, write my infamous blog ( Okay…who am I kidding only sharing my real honest true feelings) and take it easy on myself while I am in this eye fog (Of yesterday, tomorrow and today)

That’s a loose plan of course…because you know I am finally learning alot can happen from today to tomorrow… Happiness…sorrow..no knows ..Right?

Thank goodness I am used to being a little cockeyed.  (wink,wink)